Free Rosaries for Everyone!

June 18, 2012 by  
Filed under A Grateful Convert Blog, Conversion, Culture, Faith, News

I think the rosary is one of the coolest devotions ever.

In fact, the rosary is so cool, I recommend it for everyone. Praying the rosary was a decisive tipping point in my conversion to Catholicism. Some guy named Scott Hahn gave me my first rosary – and get this – it was FREE. Or at least, I didn’t pay for it. Maybe Scott did, I don’t know, and don’t really care. It didn’t cost me a dime.

So here’s an idea. Rosaries are cool, and free rosaries are even better. What if we petitioned the government to buy them for us?

If the government buys them, they’re free, right? Or at least, we wouldn’t have to pay for them. Yes, I know some non-Catholics might find this morally objectionable, but who cares? The government wants Catholics and Catholic organizations to pay for contraceptives, sterilizations and abortion-inducing drugs, this is just a little tit-for-tat action. That happens in politics, doesn’t it? Surely the administration would see this as an opportunity, right?

I thought about this long and hard, and here are just a few reasons why government mandated rosaries would be awesome:

1.  They’re for men too. Rosaries are great for everyone! This isn’t just a women’s issue, everyone could rally around the proposal. People love free stuff!

2.  Rosary manufacturing would create jobs. We all know voters are focused on the economy. Think of all the jobs this would create for people who have fallen on hard times over the last few years.

3.  There are no health risks. I don’t know anyone who has been injured or gotten sick due to praying the rosary. No increased cancer risks, no sexual side effects (well, it could make the latter even better for married folks, I suppose).

4.  Funding is easy as pie. Maybe a tax could be levied on contraceptives. Yeah, that would pay for it, no problem.

5.  The international community wouldn’t mind. We could even suggest the idea to the U.N. and our allies, and import a certain percentage of our rosaries from developing nations.

6.  The proposal would have no impact on gas prices. I doubt rosary making would move the needle much at all. Maybe it would even help, if we all prayed for gas prices to fall.

7.  Kathleen Sebelius would get one. But she wouldn’t be required to use it. We would leave that to her conscience. 

It’s a pretty good idea, right? If we’re all about equality and tolerance, then the culture of death needs to be balanced out by a bunch of rosary-praying Catholics, and anyone else for that matter. We’re ultra-inclusive, everybody is welcome!

Once people get to know us, the fear of Catholics will inevitably decrease. They’ll understand that we’re not looking to run Cardinal Dolan for President (tempting, but he can’t), that we’re certainly no better than anyone else, and that we’re grateful to be here. We pray for people, we’re against terrorism, and we care about poor people. We makes mistakes, we apologize, and we try to do better.

The problem with our current trajectory is that inevitably, religious freedom – and freedom itself – is attacked. Just look at what’s happening in Canada. If we all had rosaries, and used them, perhaps things would get better. That would provide some real hope and change.

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4 Responses to “Free Rosaries for Everyone!”
  1. John 2:5 says:

    NOW we’re talking!! And, if enough people used them, we would have NO need for the contraceptives and abortions!! Everyone, please share this with your US Legislators! I am…

  2. Kimberly Falcone says:

    I have recently found my way back to God.I’m a mother of three and a grandmother of one.I’m 39 and have been through breast cancer twice,been through a divorce,and have over came an drug addiction.I seeking any christian materials and rosary.If you are anyone else could help me.It would be very thankful.

  3. Laura says:

    My address for the rosary is 9859 brutin rd. Apt 207
    Dallas, texas 75217 thank you so much,

  4. April Michael says:

    I am trying to get a rosary for free my address is 324 north 5th. Steeet reading pa 19601 and other free lit. You may have that you could srnd me thank you

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